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10/19/00
     Since the beginning of this school year, which was actually only a month and a half ago, I have changed a lot. That is one thing I definitely believe in - the capability of one singular event to just do the whole domino effect, and in a very short amount of time you're not the same person you were a year ago. So that's what's happened to me - I made a couple mistakes last year, and they have spiraled and put me here. In some ways I kind of wish I could say that it's all sucked, and I hate every change that's happened to me... I'm not sure why I wish that, maybe because I've always wanted to seem dramatic. But anyway, it hasn't really all been bad, which is good on many levels. For one thing, I'm not constantly sad, which is a plus. But also, going through all this stuff that really messed up the life I was just getting to love, I've gotten much better at just handling myself, and figuring out where I want to go with my whole life.
     Last year I was having the best time of my life, among the people I love the most, in the place I love the most, but I don't know if that was actually the best thing for me. I didn't really have any serious motivation to do well in school, which was basically my biggest mistake.
     Now that I've been in public school for nearly a quarter of a year, I am getting an idea of just how valuable my old school was. I won't get deep into it, but basically I am really dissatisfied with my new public school, and I can't imagine that people graduating from the place can get anywhere just from that education. So now my goal is to ace all of my classes, something that I definitely did not do last year, and prove that I can be responsible. It feels good to be getting such good grades, even though comparatively they aren't really that much to be proud of. At least my mom isn't on my back every day this year about how bad my grades are, though she is still constantly pressuring me about that history paper that's due in a couple weeks, or how my English average is just under an A... as if I'm not already trying really hard to do well.
     All of this is just a testament to how one change in your life - switching schools - can make you a very different person. I never used to be very responsible with my work. I'd do it, because I had to, and even though I did want to do well, I didn't think it should involve very much effort. So now I am a more responsible, work-minded person. Of course that's not the only change that's happened to me from switching schools, or even the biggest, but that isn't the point.